What is Saddam Hussein's favorite element?? Cesium
What is a hit man's favorite element?? Iridium
What is a music lover's favorite element? Cadmium
What is a football player's least favorite element?? Halfnium
We shall call it "Ode to John Loeser"
Little Johnny took a drink
Now he shall drink no more.
For what he thought was H2O
Comment by a physical chemist upon being shown a successful experiment: "That's all very well in practice, but will it ever work in theory?" - G. Hill, Education in chemistry, 1992 (1), 28.
Physical Chemistry is the study of theories in chemistry. Chemistry is the study of matter and all its aspects. Since all science involves matter, and anything interesting in science involves theory, a physical chemist can study anything interesting in science.
Physics is the taking of very accurate measurements on impure and poory defined materials. chemistry is characterized by sloppy measurements on very pure materials. Thus, Physical Chemistry is sloppy measurements on impure materials. Although they like to think of them selves as the only ones making very accurate measurements on ver pure materials.
In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new
elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very
white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements
that come in contact with it. Repels protons and
electrons; attracts only morons.
Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons,
quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess
magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.
Einsteinium it ain't.
Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.
Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion
and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you
do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The
charge is variable, and scientists have not determined the formula for
Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach
lethal concentrations in the House.
Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.
Bonds forever with corduroy.
You know that you think about Organic Chemistry entirely too much when...
--When the coffee is perking, you refer to it as 'still refluxing'.
--At dinner you serve the salad dressing in a sep funnel.
-- you're stuck in traffic, you notice the car in front's numberplate as a molecular formula...
--Everytime you see a stop sign you see a benzene ring. Moments later you disappointedly realize it is only cyclo-octane.
--You set your alarm to get up every two hours to check on a 24hour reflux.
--You have a Pavlovian drooling response every time you smell Et2O.
--You can differentiate most common organic solvents from each other merely by the smell.
--You insist on naming your first child Ethyl, then almost get divorced over your spouse not letting YOU give the kid a middle name.
--You say grace at the Thanksgiving day table and include thanking the Lord for the tryptophan you are about to receive.
--Every time you hear the word "animation", you want to correct the person who said it.
--You mount a reflux condenser in the lid of your pot because you're tired of the pot boiling over or boiling dry whenever you steam your veggies and chicken.
--When your wife tells you to clean up some kind of stain in the house, you try to figure out what solvent will work best and refuse to use 'normal' household cleaners.
--When you find yourself typically deep in thought, and just so you don't sound redundant, you lie, when asked by your friends and family the question "So, what's on your mind?"
--You pour milk on your cereal very, very slowly.
Some are sad, some are true. And I've had more of these than I care to mention in polite company...
For example "Drink IPA? Are you mental?" "Oh, you mean India Pale Ale..."